Okay, since I experienced a life-changing experience approximately 2 years back, I decided not to get attached to a person or a group. (But when I think about it, I don’t think I EVER get attached with anybody. Not since I was kid.)

But after that “life-changing” experience only I notice it. And I that get attached to boyfriends.

So, anyway, a lot of people always tell me that I’m always there for them. For a shoulder to cry on, for someone to hang out with, to laugh with, to share problems with. They tell me I’m nice, that I’m a good friend.

See, I’ve thought about this, long and hard. What makes them think I’m a good friend? Then it hit me, it’s probably because I don’t get attached to them. As in, I don’t expect them to do anything for me. I remembered these people have told me that if I needed anything, all I need to do is just call. But I very rarely did.

It’s not that I don’t like to tell them my feelings, but I only tell them when I feel like it. And most of the time I don’t. Unless the feeling is overwhelming, like now.

If you think I’m a lone ranger, I’m not. I have loads of groups of friends. but most of the time I keep them at that only. A group of friends.

There was a time in my life where I was attached to almost everyone. I had a so many friends, my “clique” at college. Then it happened.

I hit rock bottom. Lost everything that meant SO much to me. I remembered that feeling. It’s as if I don’t feel anything. I only do things that I HAD to do - eat, work, sleep. I don’t hang out, I don’t chat, I hardly laugh, I stayed in my room most of the time.

I had other friends waiting for me to come out, waiting for me to come back, but I felt like none of them mattered.

It never went back to what it was before, so I decided to wallow it up and move on. It was like going to primary school all over again, meeting new people, feeling awkward at meeting new people.

I made friends with people with who grew up together, who went through thick and thin together. I don’t know what the moral is, but even if I did hang out with them, I keep in mind that they’re still friends of a friend. I didn’t try to be close friends with them, I didn’t try to be in their group, I was just glad I had people to hang out with.

I was glad that I don’t have to miss someone.

But the more I look at these people, the more I began to wonder, will I ever have something like this? (I kept on changing schools when I was younger, so I never knew anyone for more that 15 years)

I’m looking for that time I had back then, but my head was telling me “Don’t you dare!”

But now that most of these people are away, I realise that they’re it. I don’t have to feel like I belong. They already accept me, they helped me out when I needed them, so what the hell am I doing looking for something that’s gone when something BETTER is in front of me?

And it took me YEARS to realize that? WTF? *slaps head!*

To my idiot and my lalang, I FUCKING MISS YOU GUYS, JUST COME BACK HOME! I don’t like missing you guyssssssssssssssssss zzzzzzzzzz *CRIES*

P/S : I guess I’m starting to get attached again. I hope nothing goes wrong this time.

Damn! Terlajak 8 hari! Was thinking of continuing the “post on the 17th only” tradition.

I’ve been reading random blogs, and along the way (baru tadi) I realised that I have a blog. Oh well, I was never the kind of person to blog in the first place. Wait, I used to be a frequent “blogger” but that was back then when my mom tied me up in chains and won’t let me out the house.

And now that I’ve experienced freedom, there’s just too much to talk about that I can’t be bothered to type it out. (Not like any other bothered to read about my day anyway, except, of course, one lonesome guy who I call Bongok. That means you, Fad)

As you might not have noticed, I had my birthday on 30th June. I kinda like this birthday although I didn’t celebrate it (never did), because I got prezzies and money to buy prezzies for myself! Weee!

So let’s see.. I’ve got myself

1. a camera (Lumix, 12.1 MP, RM 629 because I was so damned lucky to run into a Sen Heng clearance sale), from my aunt
2. a Guess handbag (second hand, brought from a shopaholic friend who used it 2-3 times)
3. 5 clothes (2 T-shirts, 1 spaghetti, 1 dress, 1 cardigan)
4. a Guess Daredevil skinny jeans from my mom
5. a few other unused hand-me-downs from my mom (make ups)
6. 2 new heels (from Nose and Blay)

Pukul 2.30 pagi…

Sambil aku tengah buat kerja, tengah layan lagu Goldfinger, terdengarlah bunyi yang makin lama makin kuat…

Syam berdengkur. 

Snoring is caused when your sleeping position is not proper, and you are forced to breathe through your nose. 
So, out of courtesy of sleeping comfortably, but mainly sebab nak dengar lagu tanpa diganggu, aku pun tepuk-tepuk muka Syam suruh berhenti berdengkur.

Dia tukar posisi.

syam : Hmghhgghmph mhp (mulut kena tutup dengan bantal)
aku : Apadia? (alihkan bantal)
syam : hdjashdjk tu cepat (make sense sket ah)
aku : Apa? Siapkan kerja I cepat?
syam : (irritated sebab aku tak paham) Check tayar kereta tu cepat!

(sambung tidur)

 
Wtf?

I usually don’t listen to the same radio station when driving to avoid having to endure stupid ads like Sen Heng’s Chinese New Year promotion. It goes like this :

Daughter : Daddy! I have sports day this Saturday!
Father : (tired voice) I’m sorry, but daddy has go meet a client for work.

Wife : Going out again tonight?
Husband : (same tired voice) I’ve got to meet a client. Don’t stay up for me, okay? 

Then the Sen Heng lady says something like this :
Can’t find the time to spend with your family? Sen Heng is offering 4 days, 3 nights holiday to somewhere somewhere for just RM1!

(It’s not the exact dialogue, but you get the point. The man of the family is too busy to spend time with daughter and wife. Bleh, it’s just like RV, Click, The Haunted Mansion etc etc) 

Here’s why it’s stupid :

The whole dialogue has NOTHING to do with the promotion. 

The man is so busy seeing his clients, presumably to land a business contract. Do you think that the fellow doesn’t have the money to take his family out for a vacation? I bet he could stay in Disney World for a month. 

He just doesn’t have the TIME. 

Unless Sen Heng is offering to take his place while he goes for a vacation/offering to apply for his leave from his boss, then the ad makes sense. 

Pft!

Why don’t you suck the remaining of your pride (if there’s any left), and be a good loser?

YOU SUCK! HAHAHA!